Not As Plan

Wanted to come back home today after church to blog about what an excellent Parent's Appreciation nite i had ... It's was really great with my dad and bro there .. and it was a superb nite

But while service was coming to an end i received a phone call from my brother.. that my mom was sent to the hospital because she was diagnosed with dengue fever.. Thanks to ivin and joyce they gave me a lift to the hospital. Upon reaching the hospital i saw my mom lying a in waiting room for ppl with fever. she was in the room with my 2 younger bros. i went into the room.. i saw my mom in a lot of pain .. and i do not know what to do .. all i could do was to console her and assure her that the doctors are coming soon ... i was super mad why are they not there.. my bros had left to accompany my dad so i was left alone in the room ... not wanting to leave my mom .. but i had to call for help .. i finally decided to open the door and at least call for the nurse ..

A nurse heard my call and came in .. she looked at my mom and said " Isn't she given painkillers? It is not working is it? " I was freakin furious and amazed at such a dumb question that i stared straight into her eyes and said in a stern voice "Isnt it obvious !! Is there something you can do ? " I know i was kinda rude.. and i apologized to her shortly after that..

i was so angry with myself .. just lookin at my mom being in pain like that.. and i was sick the past few days .. so my head was super pain .. and i am having fever too .. now feelin kinda weak too.. my bros came back in the afternoon .. while i stayed .. cos my second bro could drive.. so my dad wont be so tired and my youngest bro had to study for his prelims... sitting there in the ward with my mom added even more pressure .. now i am so exhuasted ... i tot i was suppose to blog something much more happy .. and that is something that makes the change of my life.. but now i am fighting to hold on to the goodness that was given to me .. super confused now ..

Kinda partly angry at myself for being such a lousy son the pass years that till now it seems like she is like that because i didnt fulfil a duty as a son .. i guess many ppl take it for granted .. i tried to change .. ah but it does not seem enough .. i dun think any of the kids i minister to actually understand this ... No one to talk to ... also someone to sit with me and understand the things that i am going to say .. but it's ok la.. going to sleep now .. will go visit my mom after work tomorrow ..