Decision making time she comes.. .

Basketball on Fri ... I going to get my life back ...

What if I Stumble?

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling

Chorus:
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose on the narrow road you've carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar
Do they see the fear in my eyes? Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I'm feeling


[Chorus X2]

I hear You whispering my name [You say]
"My love for You will never change" [never change]

[Chorus]

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You are my comfort, and my God

Is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord?

Lamb of God

Your only Son,
No sin to hide;
But You have sent Him,
From Your side,
To walk upon
This guilty sod,
And to become
The Lamb of God.


Your gift of love,
They crucified.
They laughed and scorned
Him as He died
The humble King
They named a fraud,
And sacrificed
The Lamb of God.

Chorus:

O Lamb of God,
Sweet Lamb of God.
I love the holy,
Lamb of God.
O wash me in
Your precious blood.
My Jesus Christ
The Lamb of God

I was so lost,
I should have died.
But You have brought
Me to Your side.
To be led by
Your staff and rod,
And to be caleed,
The Lamb of God.

Chorus:

O Lamb of God,
Sweet Lamb of God.
I love the holy,
Lamb of God.
O wash me in
Your precious blood.
My Jesus Christ
The Lamb of God

Disappointment

Refering to the posting on 30 Sept I am not the same Ben

I have failed terribly, miserably and horribly. Probably i have not changed and have still remain the same person. Maybe I was just trying to hide all those horrible stuff and look as if i have changed. Maybe all these is a self induced thing and that i actually never really changed. It's just so sad and tiring. I am so tired and weary, always disappointing the people around me, making lousy decisions and screwing things up. I guess God is a God of second chances, third chances or even more. But I do not know if i am willing to give myself that kind of chance again and again disappointing the people around me, and worst of all disappointing God.

Dream:

Standing at the edge of a cliff. The wind blowing against face, as i glance over the high cliff. I looked up into the sky as if I can see God's face, and said, " Dear God, both You and I know that I dare to do it. I would dare take this step and end it all. So please tell me what to do? I lift up my leg as i glance over the cliff once again. and i closed my eyes ....


to be continued....

Played bball today.. It was great fun. Even though i lost to tian en, but the game itself was great, mastered a new skill. will try to perfect it.

Well have spent more times thinking about stuff. Somehow the more i think, the more worst it gets. from my previous blog i got so many response from different people. So weird. I also dunno what to say. but i still dunno what to do. so many things on my mind. yet cant blog it down.. hmm dunno what i shall do...

tired from bball going to sleep ... nites..

Angry ??

Why everyone thinks that i am angry?? because of my previous blog? Is all these worth getting angry about? I am really not sure.. I guess ultimately it all dont mean a thing rite? I really thought that i could think of an explaination for such stuff .. but i guess i could not..
So i guess life is like that rite..
I dunno what to say. I dun think i am really that angry.. Just disappointed.

I dun understand it !!

It's such an insane World. I really wonder what God is thinking now. Especially the issue of creating the World. Did he made a mistake? Or did he actually allowed all these to happen, and hopefully somewhere somehow we learn something from it.

I mean just look around you. I bet most people are just sooo engrossed in their puny little lives, to care about others. No matter where you go there is a hierarchy structure going around. People trying to out climb one another, or impress each other in every little and idiotic way they can.

You spend to much time effort trying to help some people, and all of a sudden, be it whatever freakin reason, like you are too nice or something ( if there is such a thing as too nice) they just shut you out of their world not even a thank you said. Must you wonder i might as well invest these time and effort in making shit loads of money to buy stuff for people, at least i guess that makes ppl happy receiving presents.
but isnt that what the world is about? Making shit loads of money and die after that.

The past few days have been horrible.. Seeing people at their worst.. People going all the way to get what they want by any means. Belittling others.. showing off .. people manupilating one another for themselves.

hmm... i bet there are some people who also notice such things, but what happens next? NOTHING !!

A lonely Friend

Hey Miss Teo

You say you got no one to talk to ?? Hey there is always me lor ... dunno i can do anything to help you.. since you have helped me so much.. you seem quite upset recently.. Must take care k.


ps: will remind self to check on miss teo.

Childish...

Some people are just plain childish ... Sooo Sad ....

Second Day

It's the second day of my Hols.. ahh!! quite sian .. haven really planned out what i wanna do.. so quite sian sia... got SIP report to do .. due tomorrow .. 15 pages long sia.. sian ..

My Last Day of Attachment

There are quite a few people that i want to thank

Uncle David- Thanks to him for giving me this opportunity to work in his company, he has been saying that i did quite alot of work, i hope he is not just being nice .. hehe.. But really thank him for all these, and i learned quite alot from him too.. Exellent Mentor. Oh yes read his article for Smart Investors ( a Financial Advising Magazine) excellent stuff man..

Uncle Meng Foo- Well he is one of the peops in the company i interact the most, as he is my supervisor. He is quite pro- microsoft, but i have learned alot from him about the insurance and business side of the company. Furthermore he has been in the IT industry for sometime already, thus he has the experience which he has been passing on to me.

Christopher- A well rounded IT person. Since the first day i sit down and talking to him, he has been expanding my knowledge about IT. He has thought me many things from open sourcing, networking and programming. We can chat over IT things over tea and after that i will be like filled with lotsa IT stuff. Oh yah thanks for the Warcraft games after work. It was fun.

Wesley- He is my fellow Mac User, he also taught me some stuff about Networking, and tell about different job opportunities. He is the twins second brother, never got to know him but he is quite a cool guy, and fun to hang out with. Thanks for the beers man.

Aunty Florence- She is ever so nice and hospitable. Really thanks her for her cares and concerns whenever i am around. Thanks You so MUCH ..

Greg and Myra- Thanks for having lunch with me. So that i do not have to have lunch alone.

Evelyn- This nice middle aged lady who is Uncle David's secretary. Very nice and helpful, still remember she helped me with quite a few of the excel stuff. Even though i am supposed to know about it. hehe ...

Elena- The head admin staff, who who is like a big sister who takes care and knows about all the admin things in the company. Very calm even when there are problems. Very steady lady

Zana and Lisa- Very friendly and young admin staffs. hehe .. they asked me out for lunch. quite fun to hang out with them.

Oh yes lastly there is
Patrick- This super nice guy about uncle David's age i think. He know alot about soccer, had a super nice time talking to him over lunch. Fwah and he is very nice and humble. Like a cheerful granddad. Would love to have such a old fren to watch soccer with man ..

Yup that's should be all .. thanks to all you guys .. hope to see you again