I am not the same Ben

This morning God remind me that I am not the same Ben anymore. Well there are some things which never change, but on a whole I am not the same Ben anymore.

I am not the Ben who is self-centred, and cant be bothered about other people.
I am not the Ben who has the attitude problem.
I am not the Ben who goes around causing trouble, and giving people problems.
I am not the Ben who do foolish things and not care about the consequences.
I am not the Ben who is bad-tempered and get into fights with others.
I am not these Ben anymore..

I am the Ben who is God-centred, and care for the people around me for God loves them more than I.
I am the Ben whose attitude is looking towards God's purpose in his life.
I am the Ben who goes around causing an impact in other people's lives, help solve their problems.
I am the Ben who still do foolish things, but more aware of the consequences, making sure that every consequence, God is honoured.
I am the Ben who is tamed by God's hand, more patient, and get to see God's purpose in no matter how bad the situation.
I am God's Ben now..

Well i guess there are more stuff.. i hope there will be more changes too. Cant thank God enough for all these.

Chocolate Buffet

The Courtyard features a rapturous buffet of over 20 tantalizing and luscious chocolate creations from Friday to Saturday. For a blissful end to a hectic week, wind down at The Courtyard with this array of comforting desserts and indulge the chocolate lover in you.

Complement the chocolate delights with Michele Chiarlo Nivole, a sublime and delicate dessert wine. 'Nivole' means 'clouds' in Piedmontese dialect, suggesting the wine's bubbly and elegant quality.

The chocolate buffet is available from 8.00pm to 11.00pm, at S$24 per person or S$32 per person with Michele Chiarlo Nivole wine.

http://www.fullertonhotel.com/Page.asp?SID=3&SSID=21

will be planning a visit one day.....

Extreme Ben

Yes one of my biggest dreams/ambition is to be an Ultimate Extreme Sportsman. Just watched the show the great challenge, and it kinda reminded me of it. haha .. I know many people will think it's stupid and all.. but hey it's not. I mean some people get satisfaction from studying and scoring excellent results .. earning big bucks. Drive big cars. Well for me i like the adrenaline rush when i am free falling or scaling buildings. or going down a hill at extreme high speed. Fwah it's just damn shiok .. Well these things are not to show off and stuff like that. But just the act of accomplish something which doesnt seem possible to most.

Things that i wanted to do.
Sky Diving - Having the feeling of free falling, Soaring through the skies.
Bungee Jumping - that same feeling.
After learning how to sky Dive, to jump of twin towers in KL.
Climb up a building like in yamankasi
Jump on and off a moving vehicle
Snowboarding

yup. tat's a short list i can think of this morning. I guess it's that almost get yourself killed experience but yet you survived it, den you can stare at death in the eye and give it that arrogant smirk. haha ..
YEAH .. to go to the extreme..

Strange Overwhelming thought.... almost felt like a mild nightmare

I was stoning in my office... suddenly this thought of chatting with En ai came to my mind. haha maybe kinda miss having her around to talk to.. so strange .. i was like thinkin we are having a conversation but dunnno what we talk about. Den suddenly i think i said something stupid or farnie. Den jeanette with sudden appearance of becky was doin that baby talk thingy at me. You know they will go "Aww poor Ben Ben .. so poor thing.. aiyo ... " and go on and on . and stuff like "Aiyo Ben Ben you want sweet ... " fwah that really drive me nuts man ... i mean dun get me wrong i am not angry or what.. but it's so weird right. Most of the ppl around me calls me Kor Kor Ben and kinda (i think only ) look up to me as the older brother, but here i am like being totured by 2 girls both a year yonger than me. Fwah so weird ... so scary .. haha ..

Than the sudden thought of 10 years down the road and both of them doing the same thing at me in front of my kids... AAAAhHHHHHHH!! Really quite scary .. must find a way to undo this ... Only i can irritate ppl .. not the other way round ... haha

sudden thoughts ..
ciao

I played BasketBall on Saturday!

I totally love the sport. From dribbling the ball pass your oponents. Taking the lay-up, you leap into the air with the ball in your hand, then while in the air, you try to maneuver the ball closer to the rim, and flick it into the net. That few seconds of feelin as if you are soaring through the air, feel so good.

Next will be the jump shot from long range. Taking shots from long range requires alot of concentration and practice. Cause when the ball bounces off the rim, it could easily land into the hands of your opponent. Sometimes it also takes a lot of effort to move away from your opponents to prevent yourself from being blocked. But the bestness in shooting will be hearing the net go "Swoosh" everytime it goes in. And the shockness in the peeps faces when they dun expect you to make the shot. haha .. I bet tian en knows what i mean, after he copied me shooting using the board. haha .. but not bad t-man you picked it up quite fast. that swooshing sound has been stuck in my head for the pass few nites. It just sounds so good.. haha ..

Lastly, the one thing that i have been learning as a basketball player is to be a point guard.

Point Guard - Usually a team's primary ballhandler and the man who sets up the team's offense.

Yup that's something i have been learning. It's so fun to set up plays and help you team get the point as a team, and not depending on individual skills. Because basketball is a team game, and how the game is played will depend on how the point guard move and motivates the team.As i play more street basketball, there usually isnt a point guard most ppl just flashes their individual skill.. and there is always this lack of team work. I find in such a situation even more challengin because most of the time you play with strangers or ppl with different skills or fitness. So to make them cooperate and help them compensate each others weakness as a point guard is super exciting.

To me i see God as the ultimate Point Guard. He brings together people of different skills and abilities, as no matter how lousy they see themselves, he uses them for his purposes. He motivates and assures the people, that by trusting him and being obedient and followin the play that he has set, we will always emerged victorious.

Lunch with Uncle Justin

Yeah had lunch with him on thursday .. it was rather interesting and thought provoking .. must remind myself to keep in mind the things that he has told me .. haha wont post what we shared here la.. but i post it here for a remember for myself .. haha if you wanna know can ask me .. Fwah got lotsa interesting ideas.. yeah ...

Quick Update

Yeap this Sat there is no bay due to exams break. This is kinda weird, cos last time even no bay i still go church and there will still be ppl there so there doesnt seem to have a break. I dun mind playing basketball in church but depends who will be going there to study ... and if they study i will be playing so quite pointless.. but i could do with the exercise.

Yup.. but hozea and i have decided on going blading/kayaking (KKE - kowcher kayaking expedition) this sat since there is no bay. Those interested to go please sms me. The time i guess should be 12 at east coast macs... Hope to see ya guys ..

Super Late for Work

Fwah today i was super late for work .. arrived to work about 9.45 ... i woke up at about 8.30 ... so sian sia... this really shows how tired i am physically... was stoning on the bus.. so didnt do qt today .. fwah ... really tired.. hahaha .. i guess i am too dependent on the morning sms someone have been giving me ... ah... guess tomorrow must really set my own alarm ..

Yeayness !!!

Finally after so 9 days tomorrow my mom can be discharged. Thanks to all who showed concern... Thanks to all the prayers ..

Now feelin so tired.. Cant imagine where i will be without God ... Thanks to God ..

No Time to blog...

Yup the past few days have been quite busy, and tired too.. Saturday was Ivan's wedding, so helped him the entire day, it was so fun. I even got an ang bao cos i had to open car door for ivan. haha quite farnie..

Den sunday went to church in the morning den spent the whole day in the hospital. Fwah super tired... today is like the 9th day my mom is in hospital, still dunno when she will be discharged. Everything have to be put on hold till when my mom gets out of the hospital.

So tired now... gonna go back to work..

Long Update...

Yup my mom is still the same.. there isnt much pain, but she is just very weak, i think from the medication and the lying in bed. She still has to stay in the hospital for a couple of more days, as the virus or bacteria could attack any part of the body. Currently it has attacked her arms, and there is the worry that it might attack the heart. So they are keepin her in the hospital to be safe. I guess pray that God will not let that happen, and that she can come home soon. Pray for me Dad too, cos i think he is quite tired having to be going to the hospital all the time. Pray for my youngest brother Baldwin, who is having his prelims now, he is Darren's classmate. =)

My GrandMa
After visiting my mom, i went home with my family, my grandma come along. After a short rest at home, i went out to meet the guys to go to the party. My grandma wanted to go home, so i accompanied her to take bus. It was quite fun talkin to my grandma. To me she looks like a super old Ah lian, with all the Gold ear rings, bracelets, and necklaces. Den i know she got this group of frens who she always go tothe temple with around bugis street area. She very street smart and even at that old age i think no one dares to bully her. She is also super loving, especially towards animals. She will feed stray cats, she used to have like 13 dogs in a 3 room HDB flat.

I really like my Ah Lian GrandMa that's why when i talk to her i also act a bit Ah beng, i think timo cheryl, ivin and joyce saw that .. haha .. Some ppl think i am quite rude, but that's how i communicate with her and she knows i love her alot. she is very farnie one .. Should hear her advice to me in getting a girlfren. I was quite embarrassed cos her voice very loud. and most ppl at the bus stop was lookin at me ... haha And last time she used to shout my dialect name in public, den i will find plastic bag to hide my face, and she will scold me cos wrap plastic bag around your face later cannot breathe. but really .. she told me something yesterday which i feel is simple but truthful ... Hope to talk to her more often. I told her to come meet me for lunch when she goes bugis temple again .. haha

The Party
Hahaha ... like i said it was impossible to get drunk i think.. haha .. Last nite eventhough i kept drinking but didnt really felt anything. Hmm... dun think got kids see this haha .. I think better not say what i drank. If you wanna know ask me and i tell you... Yeap. But the highlight of the nite was not even about the drinking. the drinks were just beverages. I guess hanging out with the older Guys was just fun. Getting to know about them and learn more about their lives. Get to hear about Jon Choo getting new car, hozea who just got disrupted from army and will be a civilian for 2 weeks. I also get to spend time talkin to Ivan.. which helped alot. So i guess yeap it wasnt about the drinkin .. but the bonding and fellowship which helped me ease most of struggles that i am going through cos God has placed so many ppl around me..

A Toast to God and His Goodness ....

ps: Oh ya since there is not reply from jeanette i think she haven read it yet. so i would like to add that since i didnt get drunk.. you dun have to yell at me rite ? And yes gabz bible got say cannot get drunk so i know my limits .. plus gotta work today too .. haha =)

Update Once again

Yup last nite went to visit my mom.. She seems better now .. i think everything is fine except that my mom's arms are weak. They are going to do a blood test today, den hopefully she can go home by tomorrow.

Ivin Joyce Timo and Cheryl ( not from church ) came to visit my mom yesterday. felt quite bad for cheryl to come, cos when her mom was sick i was not able to go visit.. well nevertheless i will go visit her mom once i finish attachment .. after visiting we went to have dinner it was nice.. den went home ..

Had a talk with ivin and joyce in the car.. well some stuff that i find it hard to accept or agree with at the moment.. or actually i understand and agree with it .. but just dun wanna follow it.. Dunno find myself drifting away these few days .. or loosing heart.. well .. i dunno .. hope all these will be over soon .. or most importantly like the clip said .. Just now that God is there always .. kinda holding on to that...

Yup tonite Got bachelors party at some club in clarke quay .. lookin forward to abit of relaxin time .. drinkin.. dun think got any kids readin my blog .. so should be ok to say this .. yeap .. after drinkin things should be better .. besides waking up with a very bad headache.. but at least the pain will be all i can think of... but this only happens when you get drunk .. which i somehow cant get drunk .. i dunno la. haha .. i know jeannette gonna like yell at me .. but hey it's a party rite .. =)
yeap will update you guys again tomorrow ..

Update

My mom is better now the pain has gone away. But she still does not have the enegry to lift up her arms. It is found out that it is not dengue but a virus called mircoplasma which attacked her immune systems. Eventually attacking her joints area causing her the pain. The virus is still spreading, and last i heard her knees are kinda weak too. Will be going back to the hospital today to find out more. Did some research on the microplasma but failed to find any information except this forum for woman who wanna give birth after 35 years old.

Well thanks again for all those who are concern. I guess those who wanna come visit please give me a call.. and please ask nicely.. there is this person who kept demanding details which even i dun have .. and rushing me as if we are having a movie outing .. i am quite piss at that attitude cos it's my mom here not some movie outing .. and in the end not wantin to visit because i cant give enough details.. what the hell .. so please dun come for the sake of having some gatherin .. not in the mood to be entertain such selfish behaviours .. Duckie this is not refering to you if you wondering ..

tat's all for the update.

The Interview with God

Thanks to all those who have been concerned .. My Mom is better now, there will be somemore test today, and if everything is fine she will be discharged. Actually didnt want too many ppl to know, but before i could do anything like almost everyone knew about it, received emails from uncle yem and sms from uncle william. Really thanks to all you people, like i said i really dunno where i will be if God didn't put me here.

Since the extraction of my wisdom tooth i haven had much rest.. so many things happening in such a short time.. Just feelin very tired ..that's why i sound sian .. sorry if i accidentally made any bad remarks like what i did to the nurse .. well i apologized to her.. and i am sorry if i did it to any of you guys .. very tired now and have this constant headache panadol doesnt seem to work .. and i worry i might overdose and kill myself accidentally ..

Yup thanks to everyone ...

pS: Lydia just give me this week to rest .. if you need tuition we can start next week. Just give me a call when you read this.

For the WORLD

Oh yes and for the whole world who have been askin.. my mom is not OK !! She is diagnosed with dengue .. and because of the inflammation to the to joints both her shoulders are aching .. there are nothing shown on the X rays so the docs are not sure what is happening but only guess it should be the virus inflamming the joints.. she is in terrible amount of pain and kept asking for painkillers which the nurse cant give cos she may overdose..

I am confused and dunno what to do .. Soo pain to see my mom in pain ..

Doc say if tomorrow she still has pains they will do another type of scan for her.. So yup .. thanks for you prayers and concern..

Not As Plan

Wanted to come back home today after church to blog about what an excellent Parent's Appreciation nite i had ... It's was really great with my dad and bro there .. and it was a superb nite

But while service was coming to an end i received a phone call from my brother.. that my mom was sent to the hospital because she was diagnosed with dengue fever.. Thanks to ivin and joyce they gave me a lift to the hospital. Upon reaching the hospital i saw my mom lying a in waiting room for ppl with fever. she was in the room with my 2 younger bros. i went into the room.. i saw my mom in a lot of pain .. and i do not know what to do .. all i could do was to console her and assure her that the doctors are coming soon ... i was super mad why are they not there.. my bros had left to accompany my dad so i was left alone in the room ... not wanting to leave my mom .. but i had to call for help .. i finally decided to open the door and at least call for the nurse ..

A nurse heard my call and came in .. she looked at my mom and said " Isn't she given painkillers? It is not working is it? " I was freakin furious and amazed at such a dumb question that i stared straight into her eyes and said in a stern voice "Isnt it obvious !! Is there something you can do ? " I know i was kinda rude.. and i apologized to her shortly after that..

i was so angry with myself .. just lookin at my mom being in pain like that.. and i was sick the past few days .. so my head was super pain .. and i am having fever too .. now feelin kinda weak too.. my bros came back in the afternoon .. while i stayed .. cos my second bro could drive.. so my dad wont be so tired and my youngest bro had to study for his prelims... sitting there in the ward with my mom added even more pressure .. now i am so exhuasted ... i tot i was suppose to blog something much more happy .. and that is something that makes the change of my life.. but now i am fighting to hold on to the goodness that was given to me .. super confused now ..

Kinda partly angry at myself for being such a lousy son the pass years that till now it seems like she is like that because i didnt fulfil a duty as a son .. i guess many ppl take it for granted .. i tried to change .. ah but it does not seem enough .. i dun think any of the kids i minister to actually understand this ... No one to talk to ... also someone to sit with me and understand the things that i am going to say .. but it's ok la.. going to sleep now .. will go visit my mom after work tomorrow ..

Bowling

Yeah Must blog before i sleep...
Bowling was indeed so much fun .. would like to thank Kel Ivin and Joyce, Wilfred, Alan, Abel, Yvonne( for organising this), Jane and Christabel. For such a wonderful time playing bowling.. at the beginning everyone was trying to get the hang of it, but towards the end everyone was just all out to have fun. Was very encourage to see each other supporting one another, and somehow the points didnt matter. As long as someone scored a strike everyone came jumping and cheering .. Especially for Christabel and Alan .. But even Wilfred and Yvonne did great. There was also abel and jane who were really consistant.. they made quite a few spares .. kel and ivin the older folks managed to flash their skill. Kel wasnt having a good game at the beginning but showed excellent sportsmanship by encouraging others, with his experiences and helping them to bowl better.. Inded it was tiring. But it was soo good to see a blend from the youngest to the oldest, being able to sit down and enjoy a wonderful game of bowling.

Really learned a lot from everyone today .. Thanks Guys !!

Confused

Somehow i thought that i m in that stage of my life, whereby i am enjoying quite abit of everything that is happening around me.. i have no worries, or troubles, and i am spending most of my time and effort on the people around me and how i can bless them with what i have..

Then one of my project groupmates asked me ... "hey ben.. how long have you been single?" I said, "like maybe 4-5 years" Den her reply was, "How come you can be single for that long? Won't you wanna feel loved once in a while?" Den the conversation ended when more people came and had to start the group meeting.

Suddenly i had like many thoughts in my mind. There is so many that i cant even blog them .. maybe next week when i am more free.. I mean it doesnt really affect me cause i have like kinda resolve it .. but hearing a different opinion from ivin and joyce made me think again .. haha .. so confused sia... and i thought i am enjoying myself ...

Wisdom Tooth extraction

Fwah .. couldn't sleep the whole of last nite due to a acute pain in my mouth. One of my teeth is drving me nuts due to the intense pain.. so i decided to go see the dentist. At the dentist i told him what is my case. And so since the wisdom teeth is giving me problems, he say will take it out lor.. The whole thing took about 10 minutes or so .. the dentist injected the anticeptic, waited for my face to become numb before using a pair of pliers to yank out my teeth. fwah it was intense man .. the nurse had to hold on my head, while the doctor tried pulling out my teeth.. After that was alot of bleeding. the dentist said not to rinse my mouth too much .. so i had to spit out the blood.. had a rather bloody day today sia.. haha

went to church to check out the new bball board.. it looks great.. will find time to play sia.. yeap.. will show whoever interested my wisdom tooth .. haha ..

Saturated ..

Too many things to think about .. dunno what to do where to start.. hai... i guess i must bask in God's presence alone for a while .. and spend some time alone ... if not i think i am going to explode !! shall try to plan a trip to malaysia .. or maybe disappear for a while ..
off my head can think of a few places..

pulau tioman
pulau dayang
Kuala Lumpur
or just stay at home ...

oh yes ... family coming for parents appreciation nite.. dunno if i wanna give testimony... very tense ... dunno what their expectations like.. asked my dad about it .. he say he is ok ... fwah sian .. wanna talk to someone .. but .. hai .. msg you the other day .. but you also busy ...

This morning...

Strangely as i was on the bus today, i was reflecting on my past. Looking back over the years looking at all the trouble i got myself into, the pain and agony and the disappointment that i caused for the ppl around me. Somehow i really do not know how did i get so far?? i do not know who brought me to where i am now, whereby some ppl actually think i quite guai, some ppl who call me kor kor Ben .. some ppl who actually ask me for help.. haha .. just so weird .. everytime i look at them .. i just have this inner fear that i may hurt them or disappoint them without even knowing it.. I guess like leon sometimes i do feel that i should lock myself up from the world .. to protect the world from the distruction from Ben .. haha .. but that's not right.. it is not justifiable.. I guess God is the answer to all these.. but hopefully one day i will really find the answer and be assured of who i am in God's eyes ..

well i also read Ben Cheok's blog just now.. very encouraged by the things he said .. very happy for him to see him grow so much.. i would say ROCK on BRUDDER.. I guess sometimes when you are placed in a tough situation you really grow so much.. so i guess we must be thankful.. and trust God and his plans..

Once again .. Exhausted

Wah .. Have been meeting up with people and going out and all on top of my work ... so technically i leave my house at 8.. and reach home about 10 or even 12 ... and will sleep at around 1-2 .. this is getting pretty exhuasting ..really want a break.. if i have the money .. i will go diving ... but i dont.. and somehow more and more things are happening .. dunno what to do.. trust that God will guide me... Oh yes..regarding sat morning .. basketball .. please let me know if you are coming .. so that i can play at some where more accessible..

erm the movie thingy next week most of the peeps having hols rite ?? well it's either you guys organise than i can see if i able to make it lor.. i end work at 6 ..

i may organise bowling on wed evening ... those interested drop a comment ..

Need excercise !!

Ahh.. Just realise i have totally lost my tan.. and i feel so weak and powerless.. haha.. i need excercise ..

Will play bball sat morning 10 oclock .. whoever interested just come along ... see ya

2 Movies

Last nite went to watch movie with Kel Tien En and Wilfred.. It was quite fun.. kel was playing with Wilfred's mind, by telling him the wrong movie titles we are watching .. should see his poor look.. like dunno whether to believe or not .. haha.. by the way we went to watch bourne supremacy (Sorry Ahbby.. cos was a last min thingy dunno if you could come out so late..) After watching that show.. which ended about 9.30.. kel and i decided to watch a second show.. open waters haha since we love diving so much .. but it was an NC-16 show.. so poor Wilfred gotta go home .. Sorry Wilfred ..

So tien en kel and i stayed to watch a second movie.. haha fwah spend quite a lot of money sia.. but open water wasnt that good la.. quite crappy ... but the ideas was there .. for a diver it's like one of your worst nitemares sia... Well after watching those shows still not so shiok ... may wanna watch another movie this week .. either AVP (which the comments arent that good but i think of watching it anyway ..) or Coffee and Cigarrettes .. or Harold and Kumar goes to white Castle( but i think M-18 show .. so cant bring kids along ...) or 13 going 30 .. heard it was good.. or stepfordwives .. haha .. so many movies ..

So once again asking who wanna watch either one of the shows mentioned above .. drop a comment of tag pls.. or best sms .. just in case i dun view my blog =)